98 replies to this topic

[DDRman732865]

The last couple weeks have been stressful. Luckily, it's all been winding down. I just have 2 assignments left to do before I leave for break, the stress is going away. Then Mike is a dick again. I go to confront him and he asks where my roommate is. He went out for a walk. They found him, talked to him, he said everything is fine, he just needs some time alone. Fast forward 3 hours and I get a call saying my roommate locked himself in our room and was talking about committing suicide, asking how high a building it would take to kill himself. Luckily he didn't actually do anything. He talked to a counselor for awhile, now he's in bed. I'm not entirely sure what to do. I'm leaving tomorrow for spring break, I think he is too.

The thing I feel like shit about is that I'm actually pissed off. I don't know if this was a cry for help or what, but he put a couple people in our hall into so much stress, he made one girl cry from concern (the one he was FB messaging about how to kill himself while locked in our room). Anyone have any advice? Any insight would be very much appreciated.

[Maxlaam]

The thing I feel like shit about is that I'm actually pissed off. I don't know if this was a cry for help or what, but he put a couple people in our hall into so much stress, he made one girl cry from concern (the one he was FB messaging about how to kill himself while locked in our room). Anyone have any advice? Any insight would be very much appreciated.

Actually, I had to deal with a similar situation only a few weeks ago, except my housemate did do it by OD'ing on XTC and Alcohol then jumping into a canal. Horrible really.

We didn't see it coming either, but looking back there was very little we could do really. He tried it before about 3 weeks earlier by trying to OD on XTC and Alcohol, except he was at home that time. We were alerted by his girlfriend at that time and kicked in his door. Later that day he was taken to hospital where he stayed for 2 weeks, we visited him a couple of times. We thought it was a cry for help, but he already decided that he didn't want any help and that he would carry out his plan later anyway. He did so by going away from home to a place where nobody would suspect he would be, he was found 2 days later lying in the water.

As I don't know what's bothering the guy, I can only say, have him seek help if he's open for it. If people are determined they will find a way anyhow. It's a very difficult situation...

[DDRman732865]

Thanks Max. I didn't mention this last night, but he seemed completely normal until 8 pm when he disappeared. He came back at 10:30 and sat at his computer, as usual. Nothing strange, just seemed a bit stressed. I got the red flag call at 11:45, a counselor came around midnight, I left my room so they could have privacy. Mike called me at 1 am to tell me all was good. He's still asleep right now, and probably will be until noon or so. Hopefully what the counselor said was helpful.

[Maxwell58]

Um, wow. Last night I stayed up until 1:00 AM talking my friend out of suicide. I never realized how great of a life I have until she told me about hers. I'm not going to school because I slept on the couch too, which destroyed my body. Even during asking my Mom if I could stay home from school, I realized that Kortnie Mom would have never let her do this. Even if she had talked 5 people out of suicide. I don't know if I should feel proud, but I do, and I feel so lucky that she's still breathing. Now it's time for me to get some rest on my actual bed.

EDIT: School's cancelled anyways. Wohoo.

Edited by Maxwell58, 18 March 2013 - 08:11 AM.

[TheSUCKCrew]

I had a dream a few days ago. It's been haunting me...
It was a very real dream, and it is emotionally very disturbing to me.

So I was at some sort of family gathering (birthday or something, none of that really matters anyways), and I felt pretty down already, and some bad things happen. They weren't really that horrible at all (a friend of mine was teasing me a bit for fun) but I really couldn't handle it because of how down I felt already. A bunch of these things happened, and slowly I got very tense, untill someone took my plate which I had put down somewhere for a minute because I had to get some fresh air. When I saw that my plate was gone, I freaked out, a switch flipped, and I kinda got a nervous breakdown or something. I yelled at my family that I do not just feel ignored and unloved, but I also feel as if they are trying to make me feel horrible, as if they hate me, and I run off. I run to a big channel that is nearby, thinking about jumping in, and getting swallowed by the whirling water.
I step towards the edge, and at that point I start overthinking it, and I sit there for atleast 15 minutes, getting flashbacks of my entire life, while all the people I care about walk by.
The worst part is, that even after all that thinking, I decided to do it. I just climbed in and let go. And it felt so fucking great.

Lately I feel as if there is nothing worth living for. It's been a constant thought for me.

[rollercoasterfanatic919]

I had a dream a few days ago. It's been haunting me...
It was a very real dream, and it is emotionally very disturbing to me.

So I was at some sort of family gathering (birthday or something, none of that really matters anyways), and I felt pretty down already, and some bad things happen. They weren't really that horrible at all (a friend of mine was teasing me a bit for fun) but I really couldn't handle it because of how down I felt already. A bunch of these things happened, and slowly I got very tense, untill someone took my plate which I had put down somewhere for a minute because I had to get some fresh air. When I saw that my plate was gone, I freaked out, a switch flipped, and I kinda got a nervous breakdown or something. I yelled at my family that I do not just feel ignored and unloved, but I also feel as if they are trying to make me feel horrible, as if they hate me, and I run off. I run to a big channel that is nearby, thinking about jumping in, and getting swallowed by the whirling water.
I step towards the edge, and at that point I start overthinking it, and I sit there for atleast 15 minutes, getting flashbacks of my entire life, while all the people I care about walk by.
The worst part is, that even after all that thinking, I decided to do it. I just climbed in and let go. And it felt so fucking great.

Lately I feel as if there is nothing worth living for. It's been a constant thought for me.

Always know that there are things and people worth living for. It may not feel like it now, and you might still be searching for your purpose, but know that it's there.

Edited by rollercoasterfanatic919, 12 May 2013 - 10:13 PM.

[commando]

^^ There's people in your life who care about you, they are whats worth living for, if not for yourself, do it for them.

"Tough times are there so you can have a good time later on and really appreciate it!"
- Unknown

[BGTKing]

Dude, man the fuck up. Do you have a roof over your head? Easy access to meals? You obviously have access to technology and other luxuries. Your life ain't bad! Millions of people would kill to have what you have and you just want to throw that all away? Pull your head out of your ass and just live.

[Chubs33]

BGT, have you ever dealt with a legitimate depression or anxiety phase? I'm not being a dick, I'm just curious. That whole man the fuck up thought process was 100% how I looked at it before I really had to deal with my little phase of depression/anxiety. Going through it, that thought process changed very quickly when I realized how real depression was.

Look Bart, I had a whole stint about a year ago now when I started getting random panic attacks/anxiety out of nowhere. It made absolutely zero sense since I absolutely loved my life, had an awesome girlfriend, was loving school, etc. instill don't know where it came from, but sure enough the anxiety led me into a phase of depression. It really was scary. The feeling of not having control of myself was the worst. You feel like you are your own worst enemy and that it's somehow your fault that you are feeling this way. It's brutal, I can sympathize. I had to eventually go to a psych, which I was so pissed about because I didn't want to believe that I was a mental case because I could pinpoint nothing on my life that I wanted to change. How the fuck could I be depressed if I didn't dislike anything happening in my life? Sure enough I got some medications and felt better pretty fast. Having a drug cocktail like that isn't ideal, but I'm sure you can agree that's it better than feeling like the way you are.

I still struggled with it for about 6 months even after I got medication, but with the support of my friends and family I got through it. I'm not trying to make this sound like I'm a fucking hero or something, but you really do have to pull it out of yourself. It's a challenge I have never been faced with before, but it changed everything. I am a better person because of my anxiety plain and simple. There are some things in life that just happen for seemingly no reason, but everything is a learning experience. I'm not being philosophical here, I am being real. Learn from your feelings. These thoughts that you are having now are going to be like "what the hell was that about?" In a year or two.

Finally, and this is more on the philosophical side, I dubbed this as a lesson from God. I'm not really religious, but religious enough to turn to God frequently. I am a white kid, from a well off town in New Jersey, who pretty much thought the world revolved around me all the way through high school. I was egotistical, decently racial, and extremely ignorant when it came to kids saying they were depressed. Like BGT said, "man the fuck up" was the the thought process. " these kids don't realize what they have how could they be sad? What assclowns, go to Africa and then you'll see sad". That was before I knew how real that shit is. I like to say that God wanted to give me a lesson on perspective and to stop being so fucking ignorant. Thinking that people who are depressed are just little bitches is never something that occurs to men anymore and I am much more sensitive to different people's situation. Like I said, it's all a learning experience. Take it as one. Maybe you should try to get some mediciation just to help you out a little bit like I did, but I don't know if that's an option for you. If it is, take it. But please take this phase for what it is and realize that it will be over eventually. Nothing lasts forever, I promise.

[BGTKing]

I have not personally, but know about it through my wife's brother and my own sister. Sometimes you have to take a tough love approach to put a situation in a context. Not everyone needs to be coddled. Sorry if it comes off as brash, but sometimes people need to hear it like that and I figure it is worth the shot.

For instance, when coaching someone, like in sports, different strategies must be employed to different people. Some people need to be babied along, kindly instructing them along. Other will balk at that approach and instead need to be yelled at. They need that sense of urgency to make a change.

Everyone wants the best for Bart. I just gave my two cents on what he needs. Will it work? I don't know, but I hope he can figure out some solution. We are amateurs here, not psychologists with doctorates.

Edited by BGTKing, 13 May 2013 - 12:45 PM.

[Britfag]

I have not personally, but know about it through my wife's brother and my own sister. Sometimes you have to take a tough love approach to put a situation in a context. Not everyone needs to be coddled. Sorry if it comes off as brash, but sometimes people need to hear it like that and I figure it is worth the shot.

I'm with you King.
And Chubbs, I had insomnia issues for about a year a few years ago, where I'd wake up, with crippling paralysis, and watch as a man walked around my room, stared at me, sat on my bed, talked to me and touched me (not inappropriately, just resting a hand).
I was fucked up royally for a full year, and I considered suicide multiple times as it just wouldn't go away, and I couldn't get more than 1-2 hours sleep a night.
I ended up doing pretty poorly in the exams I was studying for at the time, but I looked at myself, and realized there's nothing wrong with my life.
I got hypnotherapy that helped with my dreams, and they gently subsided, although I get a big nightmare occasionally (one every 1-2 months).
I looked, and I realised, I am studying how and what I want to, I am in company I enjoy, and I live a pretty decent life.
I have a nice phone, I have a computer in my room, etc.
I only realised this after I sat for hours on end one night, not even trying to sleep, with a ring of cable ties in my hand ready to slip over my neck.
I sat there and I realised, I'm the only thing stopping myself being happy, and I embraced it and got over it. I know that sounds ridiculous, but I did, right there and then.
I didn't sleep all that night, and the next day, I was chirpy as a motherfucker, I realised that I could do what I wanted, even if I felt i didn't have the energy, I'd just slug it out and enjoy myself and I did.

I'm what my mother would like to call 'emotionally traumatised' too.. My grandmother dying at age 5-6 and my parents splitting up at age 12 over a bitter 3 year divorce. I've been used by both parents to get at the other, and I can't cry anymore, literally nothing can make me cry.

But sitting there and dwelling on it does nothing.

Bart, if you've reached here I don't want you to think I don't care, I do.
I've been there, and it's a horrible place, but you're considering the _most_ permanent solution to a temporary problem. Where's the logic, bro?
You have a whole community here who cares how you're doing.. and if I had to hazard a guess at what you're living for (this is what I am living for right now.) it's to widen your horizons in the hope of a fun/decent remainder of life..

Sometimes a harsh approach is useful.

Edited by Britfag, 13 May 2013 - 03:38 PM.

[Cardsandcoasters]

Dude, man the fuck up. Do you have a roof over your head? Easy access to meals? You obviously have access to technology and other luxuries. Your life ain't bad! Millions of people would kill to have what you have and you just want to throw that all away? Pull your head out of your ass and just live.

Okay. Bart is being extremely brave by telling us about what he's going through, and posts like this can really hurt someone's courage and strength. As I read this post I got an awful sinking feeling, and it reminded me of my sophomore year. If you said this to me while I was going through my suicidal thoughts, I would have felt so alone and it would not have helped in any way at all. I would feel like I can't trust anyone, or like people would judge me for it. It would have made me feel wrong or like I was broken, and I would bottle it all up and not tell anyone because when you're in a situation like that, "manning the fuck up" just isn't possible. When you're depressed, or in a situation like Bart's you can try to see the bright side of things, you can try to put everything into perspective like you suggested, but it's not going to work because your current brain chemistry will not allow it. When it doesn't work, you will begin to believe that this is all your fault, and you'll hate yourself for it. It's very strange and hard to understand unless you've been through something like this yourself.

Telling someone to 'just live' shows just how little some people understand. It's like you're waving it off as if it's no big deal, and it sounds like you don't care. And when someone reads something like this they'll get mad at themselves for being unable to simply wave their feelings away. It's like when a kid is being bullied and teachers or parents will watch it happen and say 'well, boys will be boys' or 'bullying happens to everyone, just deal with it'. It makes the kid feel like they are the problem, not the bully (lets be clear, I'm not calling you a bully, it's just part of the reference). I just think you're going about this in a very wrong way. I mean it could definitely work in some cases depending on how you word it (like everything you said between the first and last sentences was great), but telling someone to 'Man the fuck up..and just live" is a horrible way to go about it. The way that is worded is very belittling, especially coming from someone we all deeply respect.

Edited by Cardsandcoasters, 14 May 2013 - 06:34 PM.

[Chubs33]

CAC that's why I asked if he had been through it himself. We know BGT wasn't trying to be a dickface, what he said is really just how I would say most people perceive it. That's why the whole depression/anxiety illness is so hard to understand because truthfully you can't relate unless you have been there. It's impossible for someone who hasn't experienced it to understand what it's like. It really, really is. Is that a bad thing? Hell no. I hope very few people have to experience it. But it is what it is. Shit happens.

I know this is off topic, but the depression/anxiety thing is really becoming prevalent and I would love to know why. Is it because we are overstimulated? My psych once told me that an old English Farmer from the 1800s learned as much in his lifetime as we can learn in one edition of the New York Times. We have gone from no electricity to insane technological advancements in less than 300 years. Our brain can't keep up. That's a theory I have heard.

Another one I have heard is that our food is so nutritionally deficient nowadays that' our brains don't get enough nutritional value. The amount of terrible chemicals in a Diet Coke bottle is just absurd and unless you are getting organic food, then everything is just coated in pesticides and shitty chemicals that obviously take away from a foods nutritional value.

Sorry for ranting, but it really does interest me. It's not always a matter of being happy or sad. For me, it happened out of nowhere, but why?

[Cardsandcoasters]

Ah, yeah I completely get that. I just wanted to explain how a response like that can do much more harm than help so that we know how to respond better next time.

[TheSUCKCrew]

Okay. Bart is being extremely brave by telling us about what he's going through, and posts like this can really hurt someone's courage and strength. As I read this post I got an awful sinking feeling, and it reminded me of my sophomore year. If you said this to me while I was going through my suicidal thoughts, I would have felt so alone and it would not have helped in any way at all. I would feel like I can't trust anyone, or like people would judge me for it. It would have made me feel wrong or like I was broken, and I would bottle it all up and not tell anyone because when you're in a situation like that, "manning the fuck up" just isn't possible. When you're depressed, or in a situation like Bart's you can try to see the bright side of things, you can try to put everything into perspective like you suggested, but it's not going to work because your current brain chemistry will not allow it. When it doesn't work, you will begin to believe that this is all your fault, and you'll hate yourself for it. It's very strange and hard to understand unless you've been through something like this yourself.

Telling someone to 'just live' shows just how little some people understand. It's like you're waving it off as if it's no big deal, and it sounds like you don't care. And when someone reads something like this they'll get mad at themselves for being unable to simply wave their feelings away. It's like when a kid is being bullied and teachers or parents will watch it happen and say 'well, boys will be boys' or 'bullying happens to everyone, just deal with it'. It makes the kid feel like they are the problem, not the bully (lets be clear, I'm not calling you a bully, it's just part of the reference). I just think you're going about this in a very wrong way. I mean it could definitely work in some cases depending on how you word it (like everything you said between the first and last sentences was great), but telling someone to 'Man the fuck up..and just live" is a horrible way to go about it. The way that is worded is very belittling, especially coming from someone we all deeply respect.

Thanks, I honestly had no idea how to respond to the advice I got.

I can get how people think it's just a case of "manning up", but it is not like I've never tried that.
This depression isn't a constant thing, but it has been present for most of the time. Sometimes I have a few days that seem to go well, and during those times I feel like it is totally over.
But even the smallest thing triggers it and then it will start all over again. It is so discouraging knowing that whenever I feel good, I'm just a moment away from going back to rock bottom.
And when I realize I have fairly little to complain about, it gives me the feeling that it is my fault, that I am just not supposed to be happy. I can blame it on my mum's depression, I can blame it on my parents fighting all the time, but in the end it's just me who makes me unhappy. All I ever do is making myself unhappy by making everyone hate me and ruining every good thing that I've got going.

[Chubs33]

I totally get that Bart. Look at all of us who have been through something similar to it though. Me, CAC, and Mog all are still here and happy. It's just a phase. It definitely varies from person to person, but it truly is a phase. I know it's tough but just realize you've got us here to help talk you through it.

[griffon14]

Last Saturday we lost a great high school band member to suicide. He was a great kid and no body saw it coming at all. It's been a very emotional week.

[TEDDSTER]

So right now i have a friend that really want to die and i have no clue what to do! Please help im trying to help change her decision, its not really doing much.

[FrIeDeGgS]

Ok. I don't know if I can help at all with this but tell her that there are people that love you and would hate to see her go, that she has a purpose in life and its out there somewhere, and that it may not seem like it right now but there are good things in life to live for.

I don't have much experience with this kind of thing but the most sad I've been is when my grandmother died :'(