101 replies to this topic

[Maxwell58]

My big issue is anyone who really cares..

Well when my dad honestly believes that I'm going to hell even though he is an alcoholic, sexist, and jealous man how would I not care?

[Jogumpie]

Well when my dad honestly believes that I'm going to hell even though he is an alcoholic, sexist, and jealous man how would I not care?

But that is not what Rhys meant. You care, because your dad cares. Now Rhys has a big issue with people like your dad. Your caring is only because of other people close to you, so it is indirect and therefore not what Rhys was pointing at.

[Britfag]

Thanks for clearing that, Gump
but yeah, Maxwell58, I have a problem with people who think being gay is wrong, or bi curious is ridiculous. It's everybody's own business, why should anyone else be allowed to tell you what is right or wrong on such a personal matter?

[DDRman732865]

I kinda wanted to revive this thread because I've been going through some stuff lately.

As some of you know (and if you don't, you'll find out now), I have started coming out as gay in early October. I have told several people, many of my friends, some of my hallmates, etc. So far, it's been completely fine. The worst I've gotten is "Wow, I never would've called that." However, my next challenge is coming out to my parents. I was planning on doing it over thanksgiving break, however, I don't know if that's a good idea anymore. I've had the entire week to bring it up to my parents, but I just can't get myself to. I have no idea why. My plan was to tell my dad first, then my mom, because I think my dad will be more accepting. I'm leaving Sunday, and my parents are having guests over tomorrow night. I need to tell them soon, though. I'm sick of them asking me about girls, and I think the sooner I tell them in general, the better.

Sorry for ranting, I just need to get this out.

[TheSUCKCrew]

So the thing is, I'm starting to doubt I could ever fit in either of those boxes, straight or gay or bisexual.
The longer I believe that, though, the more I'm starting to feel there is something wrong with me.
Am I just lieing to myself, am I actually just gay and trying to convince myself that I'm straight?
Or am I really attracted to women? For women I feel both an emotional and a sexual attraction, while for men it's just sexual I think.
That might just be because I'm "supposed" to be straight, but it's really hard to stay objective.
Or I might just be a heterosexual perv with a kink for men or something?
I used to think like "whatever, don't worry about it, you'll find out throughout your life".
But it weirds me out when the subjects floats through my head when I'm hanging out with a friend or something.

[Britfag]

So the thing is, I'm starting to doubt I could ever fit in either of those boxes, straight or gay or bisexual.
The longer I believe that, though, the more I'm starting to feel there is something wrong with me.
Am I just lieing to myself, am I actually just gay and trying to convince myself that I'm straight?
Or am I really attracted to women? For women I feel both an emotional and a sexual attraction, while for men it's just sexual I think.
That might just be because I'm "supposed" to be straight, but it's really hard to stay objective.
Or I might just be a heterosexual perv with a kink for men or something?
I used to think like "whatever, don't worry about it, you'll find out throughout your life".
But it weirds me out when the subjects floats through my head when I'm hanging out with a friend or something.

if you're really interested, take a peek at non-binary sexualities that exist like Asexuality, Pansexuality, there is a very long list of ways you can present yourself.

I think it is best to let you figure it out yourself over time though, your sexual attraction to men could be just as you said, a kink, or it could be the only thing you really feel.. you'll know when you need to.

[DDRman732865]

There's a lot of stuff out there about how sexuality is actually a spectrum. There's a good chance you're not 100% anything. That's not a bad thing. Hopefully when you find the right person, you'll know what it feels like. Sorry I can't offer any more helpful advice.

[ThisIsGabe]

^ this
I used to consider myself to be straight, then I met my current boyfriend. Don't feel you have to put yourself in a box and only prefer one or the other. You'll know the right kind of person when you meet them.

[Cardsandcoasters]

^ this
I used to consider myself to be straight, then I met my current boyfriend. Don't feel you have to put yourself in a box and only prefer one or the other. You'll know the right kind of person when you meet them.

That is really interesting to me. I've heard many people say the same thing, where they had no idea they were into guys until the right person came along. But for me it was obvious, I never doubted that I was attracted to guys (though I tried extremely hard to change it). Did you just not notice guys before him?

So the thing is, I'm starting to doubt I could ever fit in either of those boxes, straight or gay or bisexual.
The longer I believe that, though, the more I'm starting to feel there is something wrong with me.
Am I just lieing to myself, am I actually just gay and trying to convince myself that I'm straight?
Or am I really attracted to women? For women I feel both an emotional and a sexual attraction, while for men it's just sexual I think.
That might just be because I'm "supposed" to be straight, but it's really hard to stay objective.
Or I might just be a heterosexual perv with a kink for men or something?
I used to think like "whatever, don't worry about it, you'll find out throughout your life".
But it weirds me out when the subjects floats through my head when I'm hanging out with a friend or something.

Maybe you are only sexually attracted to guys, but if you found the right guy you'd be attracted to him emotionally too? Just as you are with girls. Maybe you can use the Kinsey Scale to help you figure it out? Also, there's a list of sexualities here.


Also, I really want to tell my story. My family is quite conservative, and they were pretty anti-gay. I adopted these views as well, and I remember thinking to myself in 6th grade "If I'm ever gay, I'll kill myself." So then I get to 7th grade and start to notice guys, but I push it aside saying "that's ridiculous, it'll go away." But it didn't. I tried to force myself to notice girls, but nothing worked. I researched how to change, and read stories about how people wrote 100 letters to god begging him to make them straight, and it didn't work. That's when the panic set in, and I dated 2 girls (9th grade and 10th grade) to try to change it. But nothing worked. Nothing changed.

In 9th grade my parents ripped down all the LGBT posters at my school. Throughout the years they said some horrible things about gays as well. As I listened to this, it reinforced my thoughts that it would be better for my parents if I killed myself than for them to know they had a gay son. So after I ended my relationship with my 2nd girlfriend, I realized that there was no hope for me. No possible way to change. I told myself "That's it, no more girls. There is nothing you can do." Every time I looked in the mirror, I was filled with hate and anger towards myself. I was so lost and alone, and nobody knew about this except me, so I had nobody to talk to and had to deal with it myself. So that's when I became depressed, to the point of having suicidal thoughts.

At this point I want to ask a question to anyone who thinks being LGBT is a choice: Why is it that SO MANY PEOPLE kill themselves because they are gay? I think it's EXTREMELY OBVIOUS that if you COULD CHANGE, you would do it IN A SECOND rather than KILL YOURSELF. If that isn't proof that it isn't a choice, I don't know what is.

So fast forward to senior year. I had come out to about 10 people by now, but not my parents. One day, I left facebook open on the computer while I was coming out on my phone to a friend over facebook messages. My dad sits down at the computer, and reads the messages. The next day my parents ask me to sit down to talk about 'colleges.' As soon as I hear the word 'gay,' I freeze. My whole body goes hot, adrenaline rushes through my core, and I cannot move anything at all. Not even nodding/shaking my head. They just ask a bunch of questions, and they tell me they love me, which was great! But I was still so uncomfortable with them knowing that I ran off crying.

A couple weeks later, however, they do some research and 'realized' that it's possible to change, and they make it their mission to change me. So we had 'gay talks' all the time, suddenly started going to church every weekend, and they said some awful things to me (I'm leaving out a lot of details, but it was terrible). I was certain that they would kick me out and not help me through college if I didn't change. Eventually I wrote them a letter, basically saying they could have gay Brian, or no Brian. Thankfully they chose gay Brian, and things are on the mend .

However, I still reject myself being gay internally. Like, logically I understand that it's fine. But emotionally? I still hate myself. It's getting better for sure, but I couldn't be in a relationship with a guy right now, or have my friends see me with a guy (even though they are all extremely accepting!).

But the biggest thing I want to say is that for me, it's definitely not a choice. It's biological, similar to your personality, or what foods you like/hate, or how intro/extroverted you are. There's no way to change it, even though it looks like it's changeable on the surface level. I mean look at the benefits of being straight vs gay. Then look at all of the major negatives of being gay. Why would any one ever CHOOSE that?? It just baffles my mind that people think that it's a choice.

Also, many people don't understand why saying 'that's so gay' is hurtful. Here's what I think of when I hear it. By saying 'that's so gay' when you really mean 'that's so stupid/bad/awful/terrible/horrible/messed up/BS etc.', what you are really doing is setting 'gay' equal to all of those hurtful words. And because I am gay, I hear you saying that gays are 'stupid/bad/awful/terrible/horrible/messed up/BS etc.' and it brings me back to all my bad memories from before.

Btw the movie Prayers for Bobby is the story of my life. It's on YouTube if you want to watch it.

Thanks for reading this!

Edited by Cardsandcoasters, 13 March 2014 - 11:43 AM.

[TheSUCKCrew]

I know I shouldn't fit any box, but I'm afraid that if I do not learn more about my own sexuality, I might start suppressing either my hetero or my gay side.
If that were the case, I would probably find myself in an identity crisis in the future. Never have I been in a long relationship, so that might have caused some of my insecurity.
But like you guys said, once I meet the right person I'll know right?

The Kinsey Test didn't really work out for me:
"The test failed to match you to a Kinsey Type profile. Either you answered some questions wrong, or you are a very unusual person."

I'm just going to keep an open mind, and see where my life leads me.

Thanks

[+Timmeh+]

Hey guys,

A series of events has lead me to have the want to post here.
A good friend of mine recently committed suicide from a long time of his parents isolating him from society because as he grew up he found out that he was gay and wanted to be transgender.
This ideology conflicts with their religion (Christianity)

I would just simply request everyone reading this something :
Please accept people for who they are.
If you find that wrong (From the bible or something) just know that it can motivate someone to throw themselves in from of a truck on the highway.
Im sorry if this is kinda unrelated.

[Beethoven]

Hey guys,

A series of events has lead me to have the want to post here.
A good friend of mine recently committed suicide from a long time of his parents isolating him from society because as he grew up he found out that he was gay and wanted to be transgender.
This ideology conflicts with their religion (Christianity)

I would just simply request everyone reading this something :
Please accept people for who they are.
If you find that wrong (From the bible or something) just know that it can motivate someone to throw themselves in from of a truck on the highway.
Im sorry if this is kinda unrelated.

Sorry to hear that man. At least you know you can come here for support, we will help you out.
I'm sure his parents have a lot to consider now after something like, as far as where they put their faith and beliefs.

That's really a shame and I'm sorry for your loss. Crazy world we live in sometimes.

[DDRman732865]

I'm sorry for your loss, Tim. I guess I'm lucky that I wasn't disowned by my parents, and that no one has really given me any grief about my sexuality. It also probably helps that I didn't come out until college.

[NFC]

Damn, sorry about your loss timmeh. Okay, Let me post my opinions on things.

If you are happy the way you are, then just don't care what anyone else thinks. No matter what you do with your life, people will always hate you for who you are. Don't try to change for them. If you are going to change, then change for you. Do whatever makes you happy.

Okay, now here is where I make my life connection:

When my parents divorced my dad got remarried a year after. The person he got married to is now my step-mom (or as I like to call her, step-monster ). For some apparent reason she has always hated me. No Idea why she just does. She's even told me to my face that the only reason that she lives in the same house as me is because she's in love with my dad. She want's nothing to do with me. Any chance she gets she tries to make fun of me and bring me down. But yanno what? I'm happy the way I am. I dress the way I wanna dress, I listen to the type of music I like, I wear my hair how I wan't, I dye it the colors I want, I basically do what makes me happy. Whenever she tries to make fun of me or bring me down, I laugh in her face, because I know that nothing she can ever do can bring me down. I get a kick out of watching her try.

So basically what I'm trying to say is that If someone disowns you, makes fun of you, tries to get you down, don't let them. Instead of letting them win, let their words and their actions fuel your fire.




Since we kinda got off topic there lets jump back on topic. I am 100% straight but I completely accept people for who they are. Doesn't matter what religion, gender, sexuality, or whatever you are. your cool with me.

Since religion was mention, I got a question. Is it weird that my name is "Christian" but i'm an atheist?

[Connector1o1]

I had a post about a friend who is having issues, but I feel as if the post shouldn't be around anymore. I deeply apologize for posting it in the first place and for having to edit it now. But I didn't mean to generalize all Christians, it's just most I have met are very prejudice. I know there must be Chrsitians out there that are really cool, but just so happens I haven't really found one. (In real life that is excluding the Internet) I'm still figuring out religion myself, so I don't know what to say about that.

My friend is actually doing much better, and he is getting support from a lot of people now, the bullying has pretty much stopped, and his parents have apologized for their actions. Things are looking really good for him.
Thank you DDRman for pointing it out, I was too upset and shouldn't have posted on a whim.

Edited by Connector1o1, 04 October 2015 - 12:54 AM.
Updated post on how things are

[Connector1o1]

My iPad freaked out and double posted, sorry about that.

Edited by Connector1o1, 04 October 2015 - 12:45 AM.
Double post

[DDRman732865]

It's kinda unfair to generalize about Christians. I'd call myself agnostic, but I've met a lot of cool people from the church my family went to when I was growing up. Not all of them are intolerant. Thanks for being tolerant. Keep offering support to your friend, and tell him there's support out there.

[+Timmeh+]

The thing that pisses me off the most is conversion therapy. Religion is just silly.

[CrayCray for coasters]

The thing that pisses me off the most is conversion therapy. Religion is just silly.

I agree, Being lesbian is who i am and no silly conversion "therapy" is gonna change that

[CrayCray for coasters]

You all are going to hate me for this, but I feel like I have to post this. Please don't let this make you think lower of me as a person because of my beliefs and opinions.

I am very anti-gay. Being a christian I believe in traditional marriage and I think legalizing gay marriage would kill the definition of marriage that has been around since the beginning of time. In fact, the term "traditional marriage" should not have to be used. Marriage is between a man and a woman. Now all these gay people are trying to get us to be sympathetic, but using the term "equality" implies that you feel the same way as blacks did just a couple decades ago. Now I'm not black or gay, but did gay people get lynched? Are you going to get judged on first sight because you are gay? No. Like Jester said, you would not be able to pick him out from a crowd as gay. Black people never had to "come out." I'm sure there are plenty of gay people who have dealt with it for millennia before you guys, you can deal with it.

I know you guys are mad at my post, and you'll probably find a million things wrong with my argument. Okay, so I'm not the most informed person on the subject. I'm not changing my views.

when a few centuries ago mlm's and wlw's could get married with legal, and church recognicion, pirates, reject moderninerty, embrace pirate